


A Kage Killer Jutsu

by Happy_Ocelot



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Post-Naruto Time Skip | Naruto Shippuden
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29558538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Ocelot/pseuds/Happy_Ocelot
Summary: Naruto teaches Konohamaru the Summoning Jutsu. Things go so horribly wrong from there, whether it's tap dancing and bungee-jumping with toads, or getting hospitalized after picking a fight with Tsunade. One-shot.
Relationships: Sarutobi Konohamaru & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	A Kage Killer Jutsu

**Author's Note:**

> Had lots of fun writing this. Naruto and Konohamaru's big bro/little bro relationship always makes me warm and fuzzy. :)
> 
> Went back and forth about whether or not it was realistic for Konohamaru to summon Gamaken, then went with it because he did successfully perform the Rasengan, though I think him being so drained after doing it that he can't fight is the most plausible.
> 
> For those who don't know, Gamariki is the toad in the Three Tails filler arc in the Shippuden anime. I always thought it was hilarious how in one scene, we get Sasuke effortlessly defeating scores of ninja while training under Orochimaru, only for the episode to cut into Naruto tap dancing with Gamariki. He's a fun character.
> 
> And please review! :)

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the fluffy white clouds were drifting along in the azure blue sky...

Oh, wait, never mind, wrong story. It was nighttime, the moon was shining, and there were no clouds obscuring the stars in the pitch-black sky.

It was the time when everyone in Konoha was asleep. They _really_ needed the sleep; after a long, hard day of rebuilding the decimated village after Pain's devastating attack, most of the villagers simply passed out from exhaustion.

The village idiot turned village hero was no exception. Naruto was snoring away in one of the many white tents that had been set up in the aftermath of Konoha's leveling, lost in a world of blissful dreams.

"Naruto nii-chan, wake up already!"

A child's finger stabbed at his whiskered cheek.

Naruto mumbled and turned over.

"Wake up!"

He snorted. _"Ramen...chan...?"_

"What the hell are you dreaming about? Wake up, nii-chan!"

The kid slapped him across the face.

_"Ramen...chan...don't...leave...me..."_

"...Okay, that's it."

Konohamaru grabbed a jug of water from a nearby table and dumped it on Naruto's face.

Naruto's eyes shot open. "Wait! Ramen-chan!"

Then he finally noticed his irritating "little brother" glaring at him like he was a totally embarrassing dork (he _was_ , but that was beside the point).

"Konohamaru?" He scowled. "What the hell? Why did you wake me up?"

"For training, kore!" Konohamaru yelled. His blue scarf fluttered in the night breeze. "You promised that when you had free time, you'd show me a Kage Killer Jutsu!"

"Konohamaru..." he muttered, wiping off his soaked face with the back of his hand and glancing at the mechanical alarm clock on the table. "It's like...3 AM, ya know."

"Who cares, kore?" asked the honorable grandson of the Sandaime. "A ninja should be ready to train at all times, day and night! And besides..."

He lowered his voice, an uncharacteristic blush tinting his cheeks a pale pink. "I've been meaning to talk to you all day, but you were always surrounded by a horde of fans..." Konohamaru stared at the ground sheepishly. "I mean...it was never like that even a few weeks ago..."

Naruto's eyes softened. After he'd defeated Pain, he could barely breathe without attracting the attention of his newfound fanclub. If he was helping Tazuna and Inari carry around wooden beams, suddenly they would be helping Tazuna and Inari carry around wooden beams. If he was handing an exhausted Captain Yamato a mug of water, then they would also attempt to hand an exhausted Captain Yamato a mug of water. If he was helping Teuchi and Ayame rebuild Ichiraku, then the fangirls and fanboys would also help Teuchi and Ayame rebuild Ichiraku.

Naruto appreciated that they were trying to help in the rebuilding efforts, he really did. It was just that they wouldn't leave. Like...ever. Not when he was visiting an injured Hinata, a Tsunade newly recovered from her comatose state, or a Kakashi-sensei suffering from severe chakra exhaustion.

And apparently, not when Konohamaru wanted to see him, either. Konohamaru, who'd adopted him as a big brother and rival, way back when he was just "that demon fox kid."

He sighed. "All right. I'll train you."

"YES!" Konohamaru bellowed.

Naruto clamped a hand over his irritating little brother's mouth. "Shhh, you'll wake everyone up," he hissed.

* * *

"So...are we going to improve my Oiroke no Jutsu?" asked Konohamaru.

Naruto scratched his chin thoughtfully. "The Girl on Girl Jutsu is fine for you now, I think."

"What about my Guy on Guy Jutsu?"

Naruto glowered at his protege. "That jutsu is gross, ya know."

"I dunno, nii-chan, Sakura nee-chan was all for it." Konohamaru's eyes lit up. "I know! How about a Threesome – "

"NO!" Naruto yelled. Then he blanched as he realized that he was the one who was now in danger of disturbing the villagers. "I mean, no," he said in a much lower voice. "Konohamaru, you don't have the chakra to create enough clones for that kind of jutsu."

"Then...then...how about the shuriken thing you used on Pain?" he asked. "That one would be cool, kore."

"No, too dangerous," said Naruto shortly. "Baa-chan actually said I wasn't allowed to use it anymore because my arm got injured in the blast. I can only do it now because of my Sage Mode."

Konohamaru scratched at his brown hair, racking his mind for anything new that Naruto could possibly share with him. "What about Oodama Rasengan? You said you'd teach it to me."

"Your limit right now is two Shadow Clones, right?" asked Naruto. "I think we should wait a year or two before starting you on Oodama Rasengan so that you have enough chakra to pull it off."

"Argh!" Konohamaru plopped down onto the grass, staring at the moonlit, happily gurgling river with no small amount of frustration. "Isn't there _anything_ that I can do, kore? C'mon, Naruto nii-chan, there's got to be some other Kage Killer Jutsu left..."

Naruto stared into the river pensively. To tell Konohamaru the truth, Naruto might not have been the best teacher of age-appropriate jutsu. The massive amount of Kyuubi chakra sitting in his belly provided him with an advantage that no one else had, giving him the ability to amplify his moves far beyond normal and self-heal. His sizeable amount of non-bijuu chakra wasn't anything to shake a stick at either, according to Kakashi-sensei and Captain Yamato. Whether it was Sage Mode or even just Harem Jutsu, the things that were within Naruto's reach at the age of twelve would still be just faraway fruit for Konohamaru, even at the age of sixteen. But there was one huge setback that Naruto did have, one that rendered his vast chakra reserves almost impossible to tap into back in his Academy years: his horrendous chakra control. If he was honest with himself, it still wasn't that great. Kakashi-sensei and Ero-sennin were both able to do the one-handed Rasengan, while he was still stuck depending on his clones.

In fact, it was by this sparkling river that he'd struggled and struggled with the requisite chakra molding required to perform the Summoning Jutsu for three weeks straight, while Pervy Sage was hiding in the bushes with his stupid telescope, giggling as he stared unabashedly at the women playing in the water, he remembered with a scowl.

He loved his old teacher, he really did. But God, was he annoying as hell. After letting him sign the Toad Contract, Jiraiya had signed out, ostensibly for "research" for his inexplicably bestselling novels.

_Toad...Contract..._

A hazy daydream of Gamabunta going toe-to-toe with Gaara, presently the Godaime Kazekage, who was possessed by the One-Tailed Sand Demon, Shukaku.

Well, Konohamaru couldn't summon the Toad Boss at this stage yet...

But Summoning Jutsu could be a Kage Killer.

* * *

"What the hell's going on, kore?" Konohamaru asked irritably. "Why do I need to sign my name in a scroll with my blood? This is stupid. I asked for a Kage Killer Jutsu, nii-chan."

Naruto ground his teeth. "I _told_ you, it's a summoning contract for the toads of Mount Myoboku. With your fingerprints and signature on that scroll, you can summon one of these big guys to your aid, anytime, anywhere. They helped me take down Pain, remember?"

The mid-sized orange toad tasked with carrying the scroll in his mouth croaked in agreement.

"Fine, fine. But toads are gross and boring, kore," Konohamaru muttered, taking the scroll and unfurling it. "Where do I sign?" His eyes scanned the list of names. _"Uzumaki Naruto...Jiraiya..._ what the hell's this name, kore?"

He pointed at the signature preceding Jiraiya's. Naruto squinted down at the illegible gibberish.

"Namikaze Minato," croaked the orange toad. "The Yondaime Hokage."

Both Naruto and Konohamaru turned to stare at the toad in shock.

"MY DAD?"

"THE YONDAIME?"

"THAT'S SO COOL, YA KNOW!"

"AWESOME, KORE!"

The toad blinked at the two in disinterest. "Why are you both acting like this is some groundbreaking secret? Didn't Jiraiya tell you that he trained Minato?"

Naruto scratched his head. "Well...yeah..." He laughed sheepishly. "But somehow I didn't, uh...connect the dots that he could summon toads until now?"

"The Yondaime is your dad, nii-chan?"

The toad sighed. "Why do we always get tied up with oblivious idiots?" He vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving the scroll behind.

Konohamaru turned his starstruck, teary, fanboyish eyes to Naruto, a complete departure from his disinterest not five seconds ago.

It really was easy to convince Konohamaru that the Summoning Jutsu was a Kage Killer when an actual Kage had signed his name on the scroll...

* * *

"All right." Naruto cracked his knuckles. He bit his thumb and tried desperately to regulate his chakra. Even after three years of training with the Toad Sage, he couldn't be a hundred percent sure of which toad he would pick up from Mount Myoboku, thanks to his previously mentioned atrocious chakra control. On bad days, he'd get a juvenile toad like Gamakichi or Gamatatsu, ones who were only obsessed with snacking on flies or smoking tobacco (depending on their age). On good days, he'd manage Toad Boss (although maybe it wouldn't be a great idea to summon him on this night; what with how Pain had broken all of his bones with that Shinra Tensei, Naruto surmised that Gamabunta would still be recovering).

"Summoning Jutsu!"

A ring of jutsu formulae spiraled out from his right hand and a puff of smoke obscured the riverbank. Naruto held in his breath, hoping against hope for Gamaken, or maybe Gamahiro.

On good days, Naruto would manage to get Toad Boss. On bad days, Naruto would manage to get one of his kids.

This wasn't a good day or a bad day.

This was a terrible day (or rather, night).

The smoke cleared, revealing a mid-sized green frog...um, toad. Yeah, he was a toad, despite looking exactly like a frog.

Said toad was wearing a generous slathering of orange lipstick and pink rouge on his cheeks.

Said toad was glowering unpleasantly at Naruto, as though he had committed a prison-worthy offense.

"Naruto-chan?" said Gamariki in an irritable, high-pitched voice. Naruto shuddered at how he had somehow gone back to being addressed with the -chan again. Was it due to Jiraiya's passing? When one of his fans called him -chan, it was variably either vaguely cute or mildly annoying, depending on how hyper they were.

It was _disturbing_ coming from Gamariki.

"What's the meaning of this? Why have you summoned me out here in the middle of the night?"

 _Screw my terrible chakra control_ , Naruto thought miserably.

* * *

"What the hell's going on, kore?" Konohamaru asked irritably. "Tap dancing with this creepy guy isn't training!"

Gamariki screeched in outrage. "What was that, you imbecile?"

"You're wearing lipstick and you keep calling him Naruto-chan. And you look like a frog, not a toad. That's creepy!"

Gamariki, who, it must be reiterated, was most definitely a toad, despite his frog-like appearance, screeched in outrage again. He turned a furious glare towards Naruto.

"Naruto-chan, _never_ summon me ever again," he snapped. "Especially not to teach rhythm training to one of your stupid unfashionable friends..."

"Who do you think you're calling stupid and unfashionable, kore?"

Naruto cursed his luck to the high heavens. What the hell was he doing, playing peacemaker between Konohamaru and Gamariki at 4 AM? He should've just pretended to be asleep.

Naruto held up his arms defensively. "Gamariki-san, I didn't mean to summon you." He shuddered once more. It was just as well with him if he never saw Gamariki again either. "I was hoping for Gamaken-san or Gamahiro-san."

"They were both injured along with Gamabunta. Why did you expect them to show up? Send me back right now!" yelled Gamariki.

How Naruto longed to send Gamariki right back to Mount Myoboku.

He really did. But as he racked his head, he realized that there really was no one else available at such short notice. Although he didn't sustain any injuries, Gamakichi was definitely low on chakra from the battle, and Gamatatsu was most likely helping him and the Toad Boss out. Jii-chan was still recovering from _dying_ and baa-chan was recovering from being tossed into the walls of the crater, both courtesy of Tendo Pain.

There really was no one else. And as annoying as Konohamaru was, he did owe it to his little bro to teach him a Kage Killer Jutsu.

Naruto sighed heavily. "Look...can we just...get along...for a few hours? For Ero-sennin's sake? Just long enough to teach Konohamaru something cool, like Food Cart Destroyer or Water Gun. Then you can go back and I'll never summon you ever again."

Gamariki gave him a surprisingly thoughtful look out of his beady toad eyes. "For Jira-chan, huh?" His high-pitched croak suddenly shifted into a deep baritone. "Very well. Since I see that this moronic minion of yours is incapable of tap dancing properly, I'll teach him the Food Cart Destroyer and be on my way."

"I'm not his moronic minion, kore! I'm his rival! The future Hokage!" Konohamaru protested.

Gamariki disregarded this outburst and wrapped his thick slimy pink tongue around Konohamaru, getting toad slobber all over his blue scarf. Konohamaru attempted to hit Gamariki. The toad disregarded him once again.

"Follow me!" bellowed Gamariki around a mouthful of Konohamaru, jumping into the forest a few feet away.

Naruto winced as he heard irritable grumblings from a nearby house that was untouched by Pain's attack owing to its being on the outskirts of the village and within shouting distance of the forest.

Someone flicked on the lights.

Damn, he needed to leave.

Naruto bolted after the flamboyant toad and his annoying little bro.

* * *

"So...let me get this straight," said Konohamaru. "You want me...to practice jumping off that cliff and into the water twenty times...so that I can learn your stupid jutsu, kore?"

Gamariki nodded irritably. "How many times must I repeat myself with you, fool?"

"The stuff you're saying makes no sense, kore! How will this help me learn Food Cart Destroyer?" the genin snapped back.

"Naruto-chan, you explain this to your idiot minion," said Gamariki. "I'm tired of enunciating the complex mathematical and physical aspects of the Food Cart Destroyer Technique and the tactile learning that he has to do."

To be honest, Naruto didn't understand half of the explanation Gamariki gave either. He was having vivid flashbacks of Fukasaku jii-chan trying to explain Sage Mode to him and puzzling over the complicated words that the old toad kept using. His confusion was only cleared up by Gamakichi's ice cream metaphors. Naruto imagined that Konohamaru must be feeling the same way.

Well...he'd try...

"Um...Konohamaru..." Naruto scratched his head. "You know how the Food Cart Destroyer works, right? You summon a toad from a high place and bring it crashing down onto your target, flattening everything."

"Uh-huh." Konohamaru slowly nodded his head.

"Well...Gamariki-san wants you to practice jumping off a cliff while releasing small amounts of your chakra in bursts, so that you can get a feel for how the jutsu works. A cliff is a high place, right? So if you practice this, you'll be used to jumping from high places while releasing chakra for toad summoning, and Food Cart Destroyer will become easy for you to handle. I think that's what he means by tactile learning...it's like...learning by doing, ya know?"

Surprisingly, Konohamaru brightened up immediately. "Wow, really? That sounds so simple." He turned towards Gamariki. "Why can't you explain things properly, kore?"

Gamariki hissed like a snake. Naruto jumped in before the two could antagonize each other further.

"Konohamaru, the cliff isn't that high, so you won't be in any serious danger. But I'll watch over you and help if things are too tough, ya know?"

* * *

"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN, KORE!"

It was almost sunrise and Konohamaru was having the time of his life bungee-jumping off the cliff using his scarf as a cord.

Gamariki, in a rare show of helpfulness and charity, had informed Naruto that since Konohamaru had gotten used to the free-fall feeling, he would be able to pull off the Food Cart Destroyer Jutsu without too much trouble, provided that he had enough chakra to summon a large toad for such purposes, and had finally departed to Mount Myoboku, much to the relief of all three parties.

Naruto rubbed his eyes tiredly. He could physically feel the dark bags under his eyes growing in size with every minute of sleep that he'd lost.

Konohamaru tripped and stumbled, having used up the last of his chakra on the training, the blue scarf unraveling from his foot. Naruto reached him just in time, catching the exhausted boy in his arms and hoisting him in a piggyback.

"Naruto nii-chan...I did it...kore...the Kage Killer Jutsu..." he muttered, his head lolling onto Naruto's shoulder.

"Yeah." Naruto smiled. "Let's get back to the village. We can have ramen for breakfast."

"That's...nice..." Konohamaru's eyes slid shut. _"Ramen...chan...kore..."_

* * *

The next few days passed without incident. That streak was broken in a rather abrupt fashion.

Naruto was participating in rebuilding the Ninja Academy this time, and for once, his deeply enthusiastic preteen fanclub wasn't there to help him out. This might have been because they didn't want to do any more homework and therefore, rebuilding the school was unappealing to them, but Naruto thought it was because he'd sacrificed one of his Shadow Clones to sate the bloodthirsty mob before giving them the slip (he squirmed guiltily as he remembered the hurt, betrayed look that his clone self had given him before being buried alive by vicious children and their accompanying shrieks of _"Naruto niiiiii-chan")._

"Naruto nii-chan, you're here too?"

Naruto jumped up in shock and horror. But to his relief, it was only Konohamaru, sporting a pained expression as beads of sweat ran down his face. A pile of bricks and wooden beams sat at his feet.

"Oh, Konohamaru, have you been assigned to rebuild the Academy, too?"

Konohamaru sat down on the ground, wiping his brow. "Yeah...kore," he said. "That old hag assigned me to it after I kept going into the office without knocking."

"Old...hag?" asked Naruto, a little nervously. An ominous, foreboding feeling seemed to fill the air – but then he blinked and the sensation subsided.

"You know...Hokage-sama." Konohamaru scowled. "Jiji was way cooler than her, kore."

The ominous feeling came back, as though someone was sliding an ice pack down his neck. Maybe...maybe he was just imagining things, after one too many frightening encounters with his adoring fans.

But then he was quite positive that he _wasn't_ imagining the angry shout that was ringing in the semi-finished shop next door.

Naruto laughed nervously. "Konohamaru, don't be that way...Tsunade baa-chan is just stressed, ya know? Reconstructing the village after coming out of her coma and all...I heard Shizune nee-chan has forced her to be glued to her paperwork all day."

"Jiji was always good at taking care of his paperwork," Konohamaru persisted. "And he didn't drink on the job either."

 _"Is that so?"_ snarled a very familiar, very _angry_ voice from behind Konohamaru.

Naruto blanched. He wasn't imagining the feeling of foreboding after all. Speaking of which, it was no longer a feeling of foreboding, but a spike of dangerous killer intent coming from...

Konohamaru paid no heed. He was on a roll.

"And he never acted like he had to hide his age, kore! Not like the Godaime! He was proud of his wrinkles and liver spots!"

"Um...Konohamaru..." Naruto desperately gesticulated at his annoying, _stupid_ little bro, begging him to stop.

No luck. Konohamaru's devotion to his grandpa, which might have been touching on another day, was fast demonstrating its ability to push the both of them into an early grave. Tsunade was cracking her knuckles menacingly. She looked perfectly inebriated, perfectly youthful, and perfectly terrifying. One look at her furious red eyes and Naruto knew that he wasn't going to be spared from her wrath.

 _Don't tell me that baa-chan escaped from the Hokage Tower to go gambling,_ Naruto thought in horror.

As if to confirm his worst suspicions, someone strolled down the street, laughing about a "Legendary Sucker" and how easy it was to win 3,000 ryo from her when she had one bottle of shochu too many.

Tsunade's brow twitched.

_Oh God no._

Where was Shizune when you needed her?

"The Sandaime was the greatest Hokage ever!" said Konohamaru proudly. "No way can some old lady like the Godaime compare."

"THAT'S IT, KID!" Tsunade grabbed Konohamaru by the scruff of his neck. The poor little genin squeaked in surprise, turning in shock (and a little bit of terror) to meet the burning eyes of his grandpa's successor.

"I don't care if you're Sarutobi-sensei's grandson or not! I'll pummel you!" she barked. She cracked her knuckles again, and Naruto had a fleeting, terrifying memory of picking a fight with Tsunade in a bar, and the mass destruction that had occurred on the street outside.

To his credit, although his face was ashen, Konohamaru did not shrink back, despite his fear. "Yeah, old lady?" he yelled back, jutting out his chin. "Well, Naruto nii-chan here taught me a Kage Killer Jutsu the other day! I bet I could take you out with it, kore!"

Tsunade turned her bloodshot, unblinking eyes towards Naruto. He could _see_ the blood vessels in her forehead pulsating, threatening to burst.

He gulped and shot a murderous glare towards Konohamaru.

 _Why did you pick a fight with her, you idiot?_ he mouthed at him. But before Konohamaru could respond, Tsunade spoke:

"Is that so? Very well, let's test out Naruto's teaching skills against a Kage, kid. You and me, we'll have a spar." She smiled menacingly. "Let's make a bet, shall we? If I win, you'll acknowledge that _I_ am the greatest Hokage ever. And if you win..." She thought for a moment. "I'll acknowledge your...Kage Killer Jutsu, whatever it's supposed to be."

_Oh God no._

When Naruto decided to teach Konohamaru the Summoning Jutsu, he never imagined that it would somehow end with a fistfight on the street with an enraged Tsunade.

"All right, kore!" Konohamaru shouted. "I, Sarutobi Konohamaru, the future youngest Hokage ever, will defeat you, old lady!"

 _I should have just taken the mob of fans,_ Naruto thought miserably. _Screw my life._

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the fluffy white clouds were drifting along in the azure blue sky...

And Konohamaru was getting pummeled. That was to be expected, considering _who_ he was going up against – one of the Legendary Sannin, the Godaime Hokage of Konoha, inventor of medical ninjutsu, Slug Princess, binge-drinker, awful gambler, she who had enough strength in her little finger to destroy entire cities.

Still, Naruto felt his heart ache a little as he watched Konohamaru narrowly dodge a dangerous forehead poke, only to trip and fall over his overly long blue scarf. He'd been there, done that.

And he had yet to summon a toad. What was the _point_ of teaching Konohamaru that jutsu if he couldn't use it? A prickle of indignation blossomed in Naruto's chest.

"KONOHAMARU!" he bellowed. "REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING!"

"DON'T BE A BACKSEAT CART-DRIVER, NARUTO!" Tsunade bellowed right back. "IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME, GET OVER HERE YOURSELF!"

But a spark of ingenuity – or perhaps desperation – lit up Konohamaru's eyes.

"You got it, nii-chan!" Konohamaru shot him a hasty thumbs-up, then promptly proceeded to run far, far away.

"Running away, kid?" snapped Tsunade. The guy she'd gambled with was right. She really did have one bottle of shochu too many. Her entire face was flushed a deep red, the ground around her feet was nothing but a massive crater, and her voice boomed like thunder. It brought to mind a conversation that he'd had with Team Guy, who had warned him to _never_ let Lee get access to sake under any circumstances, because he'd somehow trashed a restaurant or something.

Tsunade took off after Konohamaru, who was running towards...the cliff.

Of. _Course._

_There was no way that this would end well._

Naruto sprinted after the two lunatics, hoping he wouldn't be witness to some kind of horror movie scene.

* * *

So of course he was a witness to a horror movie scene.

"I'm ready, kore," Konohamaru announced proudly.

The wind blew across the scenic outskirts of the forest. There was nothing but verdant green, sparkling blue water, and the crash of a foaming white waterfall into the river.

Tsunade and Konohamaru were on opposite sides of the cliff, like this was some kind of epic war and not a stupid brawl.

Naruto barely made it in time for the...show.

Konohamaru bit his thumb, closing his eyes as if relishing the taste of his own blood. Or maybe he was just wincing in pain.

"It's time. Now, old lady, I'll show it to you. The Kage Killer Jutsu that Naruto nii-chan and that creepy frog guy taught me, kore."

"Gamariki-san is a toad, Konohamaru," Naruto called out.

"Whatever, kore!" Konohamaru rolled up his sleeves. "Here goes! Summoning Jutsu: Food Cart Destroyer!"

A plume of smoke billowed out.

On good days, Naruto would be able to summon Gamabunta. On bad days, Naruto would be able to summon Gamakichi or Gamatatsu. Naruto, in fact, had summoned tadpoles for three weeks straight before he was able to master this technique. His chakra control really was that bad. Even just a few days ago, he'd summoned a toad he'd hated by mistake.

But Konohamaru's chakra control was...better. More than that, his volume of chakra was greater than what Naruto had initially assumed.

The smoke dispersed. A loud slam echoed throughout the cliffside and water sloshed up sky-high, totally drenching Naruto and Tsunade.

"Pardon me," said a dark pink toad the size of Gamabunta. "I'm clumsy."

Konohamaru had summoned Gamaken on his first try.

Naruto felt a combination of envy and pride stab through his belly.

Where the hell did he get that amount of chakra from? And how did he have such good control over it? Did Naruto underestimate his level after all?

"I...did...it...kore," Konohamaru muttered victoriously. Then he collapsed into unconsciousness, absolutely exhausted.

Tsunade smiled. "I see. So that's what you meant by Kage Killer Jutsu, huh? True, it _is_ impressive to pull off a Summoning Jutsu with a toad that big. But..." She bit her thumb as well. "It's not enough to take down a Hokage like me!"

She slammed her hand to the ground.

"Summoning Jutsu!" she yelled.

Another miniature tsunami swept over the cliff.

It was Katsuyu, the giant slug.

"Tsunade-sama?" the massive slug asked, confused. "Why have you summoned me?"

"To win my bet!" Tsunade said triumphantly. "Now this kid will have to acknowledge that _I_ am the – "

"TSUNADE-SAMA!"

Both Naruto and Tsunade jumped in shock.

_Oh God no._

It was Shizune.

It was Shizune and she looked _furious_. Her kimono was in disarray; Tonton squealed in her arms in apparent discomfort. If Tsunade's face was flushed, it was nothing compared to Shizune's. That shade of red was found only in toxic chemicals.

What the _hell_ had happened to piss her off this much? Shizune was kind and patient most of the time. _She_ was the one who was usually on the receiving end of Tsunade's temper.

Yeah...most...of the time. Not... _all_ the time...

"JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN DOING?" Shizune roared. It was a roar that would have made fully-grown lions cry in fear. "I LEFT YOU INSTRUCTIONS TO COMPLETE THE PAPERWORK BY THIS EVENING, AND WHAT DID I HEAR THE VILLAGERS GOSSIP ABOUT?"

Tsunade's rubor was rapidly turning to pallor. "Erm, listen, Shizune..."

"That."

Shizune took a scary, tremor-inducing step forward.

"You."

Another step forward, her foot slamming into the ground.

"Went."

_Slam._

"To."

_Slam._

_"Gamble."_

Shizune set Tonton down and cracked her knuckles menacingly. Was that a medic-nin thing? Even Sakura did that when she was feeling especially enraged.

"What have I told you about gambling before finishing your paperwork, Tsunade-sama?" she asked deceptively sweetly.

 _I should have just taken the mob of fans,_ Naruto thought miserably for the second time that day. _Screw my life._

* * *

Sakura stared at the three – Naruto, Tsunade, and Konohamaru – in surprise. Why were they all in the medical tent?

Naruto had a black eye, although the wound was sizzling, healing rapidly thanks to his Kyuubi chakra. Konohamaru was slumped over, asleep, muttering something about "Ramen-chan." And to Sakura's shock, Tsunade, though uninjured, looked abashed – no, terrified – as she stood an arm's length away from a murderous-looking Shizune.

"Naruto," she said quietly. "What the hell happened?"

He grimaced as he gingerly touched his purplish-black bruise.

"I am never teaching Konohamaru a Kage Killer Jutsu ever again."


End file.
